Shaman with the Holy Object

Master Arcturus: 9:08 AM
Do you remember when you brought in that shaman with the "holy object" on a thong around his neck? The flames were a very unusual color and it took Igor most of two days to fill in the hole in the front foyer floor.
Nastydramus: 9:09 AM
Yes. He kept speaking in gibberish when I captured him.
Master Arcturus: 9:10 AM
he may have been praying to his 'protector'
Nastydramus: 9:10 AM
Possibly. Didn't help him
Master Arcturus: 9:17 AM
nope, but the protector showing up a couple days before the High Moon Ceremonies sure made the goddess happy, that was a wonderful 'after the sacrifice' party
and his blood was very tasty.. and the heart.. oh my..
oops.. getting hungry thinking about it
Nastydramus: 9:28 AM
You have to stop working yourself up like that.
I'll be back later, I have a heart to yank out of a rib cage.
Master Arcturus: 9:50 AM
good..
Igor has the paint and things, we will go down in the sub-sub-sub-sub basement under the lower part of the dungeon and start the pentagram

Monster and Master - BBQ

Monster and Master - BBQ

Nastydramus:   Needs today?
Master Arcturus:   lemme think
Master Arcturus:   I was considering having a small gathering here this weekend, just a few close friends thought I might send you after some griffins and hobgoblins to BBQ.
Nastydramus: Might I suggest harpies as well? I hear Buffalo Harpy Wings are excellent
Master Arcturus:   that is a good idea. I figure about 300 each, the Yeti are coming and you know how they eat..
Nastydramus: I'm not cleaning up this time.
Master Arcturus:   No, after the whining last time, I hired cleaners
Nastydramus: I told you that was Igor.
Master Arcturus:   yah, you told me
Master Arcturus:   I got the Amazon Parana Squad
Nastydramus: Oh, they're good; they can skeletonize a room in under two minutes you know.
Master Arcturus:   yah
Master Arcturus:   I figured it was worth the "bennies" to get them, just so you and Igor would not have to move for a couple days after a really big feast

Nastydramus: I'll remind Igor to grovel appropriately.
Master Arcturus:   Just locate those "double-hearts" I keep hearing about and I will have a feast with just you present to enjoy the goodies, and I will provide some of the new habanera bbq sauce.
Nastydramus: Stop it, you're making me drool!
Master Arcturus:   put an asbestos bib on then...you keep pitting the stone floor

Nastydramus: Bib's not going to stop that... the asbestos isn't absorbent. And my skin's impervious.
Master Arcturus:   we got to figure out how to stop replacing the floor, onyx is expensive

Nastydramus: *sigh* I'm going to regret this... you DID put in the healing factor, right?
Master Arcturus:   yeppers
Nastydramus: *groan* You can make a coating... out of my flesh... ><
Master Arcturus:   Naw, I thought of that, wont work, even with rapid regrowth and good earplugs.  You and Igor together would take too long to cover the floor
Master Arcturus:  I think the best bet is to give you and Igor access to the abyss lab again
Master Arcturus:  you two together do pretty good work
Master Arcturus:  and I will find you some pretties to play with and some love potions

Nastydramus: You know, with the superhero's body, I don't need the potions so much.

Master Arcturus:  there is still Igor
Nastydramus: True

Monster and Master - Dating Chapter 6

Chapter 6

        **Nastydramus: gets back from castle with box**

       Master Arcturus chortles with glee and feeds Nastydramus to the gills with Komodo dragon and crude and disappears into his "inner sanctum" for a week or so. when he comes out again he looks sleeker and more satisfied than ever.

Master Arcturus: so what kind of shape is Nastydramus in this time?

        Nastydramus: Well, he hasn't lost an extremity...

        Master Arcturus: kewl

        Nastydramus: A few scrapes and burns, other wise...

        Master Arcturus: What kind of upgrade does he want?

        Nastydramus: He's brought a gryphon eye.

        Master Arcturus: We can do that.

        Nastydramus: Long range vision.

        Nastydramus: Oh, and if they can be combined..?

        Master Arcturus: Probably or we could just go with the heroes body.

        Nastydramus: Sweet. Long range infra-vision, and all that.

        Master Arcturus: I will see what all I can arrange, not total invulnerability but close, true flight.

        Nastydramus: Nigh invulnerability?

        Master Arcturus: No wings needed, superfast healing and such..

Nastydramus: Yew gots them thar needs, Master?

          Master Arcturus: yar, a nap

        Nastydramus: I can't buy you a nap...

        Master Arcturus: awww, I thought you had all these sources

        Nastydramus: My nap source moved away, but I know a guy who knows a guy who can get me a  rubber mallet...

        Master Arcturus: I prefer sand-bags

        Master Arcturus: they do not bruise as badly

        Nastydramus: Depends on the size of the sand back, the size of the hooks, and whether or not the skin under the subject's eyes is tough...

        Master Arcturus: wow

        Master Arcturus: had not considered those issues

        Nastydramus: These are the things you have to think of. Otherwise, you could lose face. HAH! I slay me!

        Master Arcturus: my only concern has been rather or not to soak the sand in beeswax. -get in line

        Nastydramus: Huh-uh, that line's too long, and I get priority via knowing the killee longer.

        Master Arcturus: uh-huh, as if that is a pre-requisite for a in line cut it will still take the usual bribes..

        Nastydramus: Three greasy over ripe dead weasels and a six pack of read bull?

        Master Arcturus: remember the terminal bribe.. one freshly bound human female of an age no less than 30 and no more than 35 fair of face and figure..

        Nastydramus: At least they dropped the "must be virgin" pre requisite... those were impossible to find.

        Master Arcturus: yah hard enough to bind the fair of face and figure, they usually have a protector or 4 hanging around

        Nastydramus: You call that a problem I call that goooood tiiiiimes.

        Master Arcturus: you are not getting enough fresh bone marrow in your diet again

        Nastydramus: If she has protectors, I have a decent supply of fresh marrow, don't I?

        Master Arcturus: true, but then the fair creature runs while you are feasting

        Nastydramus: You insult me, sir. I'd tie her up BEFORE I started feasting. The worst that would happen is she'd have a raw throat from the screaming, and who wants a slave girl who screams a lot?

        Master Arcturus: No insult intended, it is just that I have seen you around fresh food, you tend to get distracted.. and I like the screamers..

        Master Arcturus: kinda musical like..

Monster and Master - Dating Chapter 5

Chapter 5

--- hours later--

        Master Arcturus: The new eye looks good, so do the wings and claws.

        Nastydramus: Kinda weird, seeing two different spectrum's.

        Master Arcturus: I can find another dragon if you want.

        Nastydramus: Let's see how this works out.

        Master Arcturus: Ok.

        Nastydramus: Maybe if I learn to control it, I can get another dragon’s eye and see what it sees.

        Master Arcturus: A couple of miles north of the black pit is a permanent cloud. A couple miles up inside that cloud is a floating castle, you canna miss it. Inside the castle is a treasure room, in the treasure room is a green chest about one foot by one foot by four feet. I want you to go get that chest and bring it to me.

        Nastydramus: ... You're leaving stuff out again.

        Master Arcturus: You can harvest any and all the eyes of the guardians you want and I will let you carry the Vorpal bladed axe for this trip, I will even provide a mirror shield.

        Nastydramus: Oh, this is just getting better and better. What's the going rate for my survival, I want to bet low.

        Master Arcturus: I think you will do well, after all I want that chest, I will provide a list of the known guardians and best guess on the unknowns and will work with you to provide defenses. And as a reward, an extra reward, I will upgrade you again; this time to a hero's body. Perhaps even a minor superhero body.

        Nastydramus: ... I can't say I'm not intrigued.

        Nastydramus: I still think you're leaving things out.

        Master Arcturus: It could be-what do you want to know-other than the contents of the chest which I will not tell you.

        Nastydramus: How big are the guardians this time?

        Master Arcturus: Ohhhh, the largest is about the same size as a moose the most powerful is not as powerful as the dragon you just killed.

        Nastydramus: Then why all the warnings and direness and secre-- I'm going to lose an arm again, aren't I?

        Master Arcturus: I hope not—it makes it hard to carry stuff with only three arms. You have the shield (mirrored), the Vorpal bladed axe, and the chest does not leave anything for opening doors and such. Do not lose any appendages, I want this to be a quick in and out but doubt if that will happen. There are at least forty harpies on patrol at any one time.

        Nastydramus: HARPIES! I KNEW IT! Gimme the deluxe ear plugs... *grumbles*

        Master Arcturus: A couple of your standard zombies in the courtyard, if you want I will send Igor and his handy dandy sling along on the Wyrm. But he will not be able to enter the castle the guardian spells would keep him out.

        Nastydramus: Zombies? I'm not worried about any bloody zombies.

        Master Arcturus: Igor is a composite, you are a construct, you is much tougher than he is.

        Nastydramus: I'm rapidly becoming a bit of a composite, too, you know.

        Master Arcturus: The guardians in the treasure room are supposed to be flying scorpions and you are immune to scorpion stings. Igor started as human though, you did not.

        Nastydramus: Oh, snakies on wings, snackies.

        Master Arcturus: Thats right, you do like to eat scorpions don you, and because you do not have to breathe, the thin air will not bother you either.

        Nastydramus: Tasty crunchy snacky mm mm... You know, combining my brain with that maniac didn't make me SMARTER...

        Master Arcturus: That might have been an error, but it did give you speech, orangutans do not talk that well and you had that thing for fruit. That went away after the combo.

        Nastydramus: I do still like a good orange now and again.

        Master Arcturus: I think the wolverine implant is your best feature; you were tough before, now you is downright nasty.

        Nastydramus: Well, you put the temper in me, yanno.

Monster and Master - Dating Chapter 4

Chapter 4

        **And he's off to kill the dragon - 2 hours later and...**

        Master Arcturus: OK, you are a little more beat up than normal, what went wrong?

        Nastydramus: You said he was sick.

        Master Arcturus: He was.

        Nastydramus: Got better.

        Master Arcturus: Oooo, that is bad, did you harvest the stuff?

        Nastydramus: Oh, and I kind of killed your guards in a fit of rage. But the good news is, I got his heart, too.

        Master Arcturus: Well then, that is all to the good, yah. You want a dragon heart, or do you intend to eat it?

        Nastydramus: The heart's to make up for the guards. I don't want hearts; hearts are your thing; aren't they?

        Master Arcturus: One of them. But you got the wings, eyes and claws ya?

        Nastydramus: Yeah, about that...When you buy wings from these guys, there's a central motor thingy, isn't there?

        Master Arcturus: Naw, it is installed into your system, the motor thingy is to put up force field to keep out dust.

        Nastydramus: So, ripping them right out wasn't a bad thing to do..?

        Master Arcturus: Naw that is standard removal policy.

        Nastydramus: Huh. Then I got it all, the thing only had one eye, though.

        Master Arcturus: Which is why you do not want to buy them on installment plan and renege on payment.

        Nastydramus: I... yeah, that... that makes sense. (Gosh, I'm thirsty )

        Master Arcturus: I put a gallon keg of crude in the eating area with the Komodo dragon, go eat. I will get the wands and crystals to put your new equipment in.

        Nastydramus: Right then.

Monster and Master - Dating Chapter 3

Chapter 3

        Nastydramus: Good. I'm off then. Need anything while I'm out?

        Master Arcturus: Some dried weasels; I ate the last one while we talked.

        Nastydramus: You sure you don't want fresh?

        Master Arcturus: I will take fresh-I can always dry my own.

        Nastydramus: I'll see what I can do.

        Master Arcturus: Oh Leticia suggested breath mints. She does not like dried weasel breath I guess.

        Nastydramus: OK, dried weasel and breath mints.

        Master Arcturus: Yep, try the dragon meat.

        Nastydramus: Why she'd want your breath to smell like mint rather than weasel is an odd thing, though.

        Nastydramus: I told you, dragon is greasy... 'course, it is a yungin.

        Master Arcturus: If it is tasty, we might get you a goodish supply. You was complaining about the taste of the t-rex.

        Nastydramus: Yes, well, it was OLD. And stale. Petrified, kinda.

        Master Arcturus: Taste some of the local fauna, see what you like. I will try to accommodate you as best I can… within reason.

        Nastydramus: Hmm... goat DOES sound tasty.

        Master Arcturus: And there are those pesky ones just to the south, right on your route to the black pit.. the dragons lair is 8 miles this side of the black pit, just under the ridge of frozen tundra. I will send a small eldritch sphere to lead you. Only you will be able to see it, lessee, 8 miles there, kill the dragon--

        Nastydramus: Wait, I need a drink.

        Master Arcturus: Do your harvesting, 8 mile... eh a drink? What do you want to drink? Blood, bile, ink, gas?

        Nastydramus: Crude.

        Master Arcturus: Ok, how much? Gallon?

        Nastydramus:A liter should do it.

        Master Arcturus: Ok, it will be in weapons locker too. Back to timing, 8 miles back. Mmm, you should not be more than two or three hours. I will have Igor kill a gator for you in two hours as a treat or would you prefer croc this time.

        Nastydramus: *smacks lips* Have a taste for something rarer. How about Komodo?

        Master Arcturus: Ok,, you get back in hours I will give you a whole Komodo for your very own.. and either have Igor kill it or let you do it.

        Nastydramus: mmm... I'll make it in an hour and a half if you include some of that "bar-b-q" sauce I hear so much about.

        Master Arcturus: Will do, then after you eat I will install your new eyes, claws and wings, and brief you on that little chore..

        Nastydramus: I'm not going to like this, am I?

        Master Arcturus: You do not typically like new stuff so probably not.

        Nastydramus: grr. OK.

Monster and Master - Dating Chapter 2

Chapter 2
Master Arcturus: On to the Job!! So have you thought about purchasing your very own powered batwings?
Nastydramus: Do they even make them in my size?
Master Arcturus: Oh, ya, you is kinda largish we might need to go to the small size dragon wings.
Nastydramus: Tough to kill a dragon. And they're greasy. Like duck.
Master Arcturus: We don’t kill a dragon. We purchase the wings from the same dealers the dragons use. What, you thought dragons could fly naturally? They are big lizards, not natively flyers.
Nastydramus: Why purchase when you can steal?
Master Arcturus: Think about it, even the dragons buy from these guys. Think it through.
Nastydramus: I am thinking about it. The death. The carnage. The weeping and pain.. and after that, I'd die and be free
Master Arcturus: Do you want to mess with people who dragons are afraid of?
Nastydramus: Good point. I'll get some unknown to steal it.
Master Arcturus: Let me know how that works for you, preferably from somewhere far away.
Nastydramus: Besides, I wouldn't steal it from the wing sellers; I'd steal from the dragons.
Master Arcturus: Now you are talking about killing the dragons again, although it would be a small dragon for wings to fit you. You have a preference as to color?
Nastydramus: Well, puce is out, of course.
Master Arcturus: Ewww. Yes, figure out your color and I will locate a dragon for you.
Nastydramus: I'm partial to dark green, but that may clash with the slave collar.
Master Arcturus: Hopefully a sick one; healing spells are expensive.
Nastydramus: You know, for a being with amassed wealth and power, you are a skin flint.
Master Arcturus: You do not get wealth amassed by squandering it; but I paid a lot of money for you and would prefer to keep you in working condition, although I sometimes want to find the off switch for your mouth.
Nastydramus: You knew what you was gettin' when you bought me.
Master Arcturus: yah yah yah
Nastydramus: Duct tape notwithstanding.
Master Arcturus: Heh, figure out the color yet?
Nastydramus: Might as well go with red, it matches the collar.
Master Arcturus: Find your fire suit, I know the perfect little red dragon.
Nastydramus: Wait, fire? FIRE? Are you kidding me?
Master Arcturus: He has a bad sore throat so should be "relatively" easy. Ya, red dragons spit fire.
Nastydramus: ... What dragons spit gold?
Master Arcturus: none that I have found.
Nastydramus: Ice cream?
Master Arcturus: nope
Nastydramus: Gummy bears?
Master Arcturus: Although blue dragons do spew freezing hydrogen.
Nastydramus: That's better than fire.
Master Arcturus: Will freeze a Nastydramus: (that‛s you) in about 1 second
Nastydramus: ... Red dragons got them pretty yellow eyes, don't they?
Master Arcturus: yeppers
Nastydramus: I could use a new set of eyes... what can red dragons see?
Master Arcturus: infrared, ultraviolet, see the invisible and have pretty good distance vision.
Nastydramus: Hmm... not a bad combo... I'd be giving up motion vision, but that's a pain in the neck...
Master Arcturus: It‛s up to you.. I will locate any kind of dragon you want --and prep you as best as I can--after all if you can move faster it will benefit me as well..
Nastydramus: The red will have to do, if it's sick. I hate fire, though.
Master Arcturus: I have that oldish asbestos suit--it is not perfect against dragon fire, but beats the heck out of that wool suit you took from Gangsta Bob when you harvested his heart..
Nastydramus: I keep telling you, that suit has charm enchantments, and I need help with the ladies.
Master Arcturus: That is ok, but do you really want to try charm on a red dragon? If it does not work, you get your suit burned; if it does work you get your a** burned.
Nastydramus: Oh, no. Especially not a female; give me the ones that can morph to human form, sure, but a red fire breathing vicious sick dragon? Uh uh.
Master Arcturus: This one is male.
Nastydramus: ... Not... an improvement!
Master Arcturus: Ok, so it is going to be the red then?
Nastydramus: If I can harvest the eyes too.
Master Arcturus: Yes, and if you want the teeth and claws as well do you want the asbestos suit?
Nastydramus: My face won't distend enough for the teeth, but I'll take the claws. Unless you have fire rat hide, I'd better take the suit.
Master Arcturus: Ok, it is in the storeroom under the brown tomb. Go get it, I will nail down the dragons exact location and see about hexing his meds too. What do you want in the way of weapons?
Nastydramus: Oh, the usual when dealing with reds; Sword, axe, shield, fire extinguisher.
Master Arcturus: I have a couple of those new fire extinguisher bombs; no one that I know of has tried them on dragons though. If only you could get it down his throat.
Nastydramus: Get him to roar at me, and I will. Toasty roasty, hehehe.
Master Arcturus: From my sources he might squeak at you, roar is out of the question. Ok, I got the hex in on his meds so that he will be even less alert when you get to him.
Nastydramus: Hmm... what aren't you telling me. You're making this easy.
Master Arcturus: Pick up the weapons out of the locker just outside of the door, before you leave the yard. There is this chore that I need you to do, but you really need to be able to fly.
Nastydramus: ....
Nastydramus: Right, then, off to me death.
Master Arcturus: Holler when you get back and I will put in your new eyes. Remember to leave the weapons outside of the door.
Nastydramus: Wait, wait...
Nastydramus: You're going to put them in while I'm awake, right?
Master Arcturus: The door guardian will not let you in the compound with weapons. If you want to be awake, ok.
Nastydramus: 'Course I want! I don't know why you keep puttin' me to sleep!
Master Arcturus: Cause you wiggle when I am attempting to do delicate work and eyes are delicate.
Nastydramus: ... I want to watch.
Master Arcturus: One at a time then, ok, this time your mods will happen while you are awake.

Monster and Master - Dating Chapter 1

Master Arcturus: nope, locked inside dungeon, with a glass key, and a vibrating iron lock on a floor that is swaying and the ceiling is full of holes and someone is dumping cold ice snowmelt water on you the door is charged and keeps shocking you, oh, have I mentioned the fleas?

Chapter 1

Nastydramus: AAahh "Fun" Needs today?

Master Arcturus: I am in dire need of winning the lotto, so a winning lotto ticket is desired. How went the search for the fair sacrifice?

Nastydramus: I checked Yahoo, OKCupid, DateMeI'mHot.com,

NoSeriouslyI'mBetterLookingThanILookInMyPicture.com, match.com, and

I'mReallyAFatHairyGuy.com, just in case. Nuthin'

Master Arcturus: I think we need to scout new territory, this one is starting to act over hunted..

Nastydramus: You know, the goddess could stand to lower her standards a bit. It's all based on a false image of beauty. Or, it could just give the pretty ones time to BREED.

Master Arcturus: I beseeched (full beseeching rite) the chocolate internet goddess and she is unwilling to change the standards. Muttered something about the blonde ones squealing better..

Nastydramus: Well, no, that one's true, you get a nice squeal from a blonde. Red heads usually screech, and brunettes just weep. It's pathetic, the weeping, unless you like that sort of thing.

Master Arcturus: Well to be honest,,, I like them all.

Nastydramus: Yes, well, YOU are a degenerate old perv.

Master Arcturus: Sigh, what can I say?

Nastydramus: "Thanks"?

Master Arcturus: You serve an evil Master, Yes, Thanks…

Master Arcturus: On to the problem, we need to find a better supply.

Nastydramus:: I've got scouts looking. I had to fire one. He brought me a picture of Amy Beerhut. He wasn't up to scratch.

Master Arcturus: I have a source, but the powered bat wings are in the shop, and you expressed reluctance to walking the required distance the last time we had to go that far.

Nastydramus: Yes, well, YOU have a 50 pound female fruit bat make eyes at you and see if you want to wear the bloody things again. Oh, the WALKING. Yes. Too much walking. Of course. >.>

Master Arcturus: It is only 300 miles and the source promised these ones are slender.

Nastydramus: 300 miles ONE WAY.

Master Arcturus: Well yes, of course; if you remember the one closer. The bad time,, no wait, we wiped that memory - you were screaming too loud for the priest to hear the responses. Ok, we will search for a closer supply

Nastydramus: I was screaming BECAUSE of the priest!

Master Arcturus: It was a very small flaying knife, he only wanted a small amount of skin..

Nastydramus: Yes, yes, that's fine, but THAT shirt with a BOLO tie? Hideous.. I'm still shuddering over it.

Master Arcturus: You do remember that you pulled it through his neck? The goddess was not happy.. just be happy I persuaded her not to take another eye you look kind of distinguished with 3.

Nastydramus: I kind of miss old blinky.

Master Arcturus: Yes, but at least she left you with 12 fingers on your right hand, you are pretty much right handed anyway.

Nastydramus: The other three digits were the SPECIAL ones, though.

Master Arcturus: I tried, you saw me try to save them for you my most loyal servant.. That is why I limp so much.. The goddess does not like it when we object too much..

Nastydramus: Nasty bit of business with the priest, though. When she gets into a rage, no one's safe. Especially if they're expendable...

Master Arcturus: It was astonishing how much blood there was in that priest, he had always struck me as a bloodless sort. At least we did not have to contribute blood that time.

Nastydramus: No, nor the time after. She was a bit jolly that time...

Master Arcturus: That is true, of course you found the triplets that time.

Nastydramus: Ah, yes, the triplets. That was the year she lifted the virginity clause; a fun year, to be sure.

Master Arcturus: Yes, at least I found a decent supply of sugared weasels the last supplier kept trying to supply us with singed weasels instead of skinned and the taste of scorched fur is hard to get out of the mouth. Especially a mouth as big as mine.

Nastydramus: I keep telling you, if you'd anesthetize your tongue, that wouldn't be a problem.

Master Arcturus: You say that because you have a single tongue with one fork, I have 3 with 6 forks,, if I anesthetize the tongues- they hang limp, and the goddess does not appreciate my mumbling my responses..

Master Arcturus: if you will remember, my skin used to be green, and then I mumbled the responses after eating that orange cacti.

Nastydramus: Oh, right... did you ever find a match for puce?

Master Arcturus: Then she turned me this awful tan color. Shudder--No but the offering of the priests wife and daughters got me this tan instead which while not as neat as the green, is better than puce. Shudder.

Nastydramus: Well, everything's better than puce, I mean, even the name is revolting.

Master Arcturus: And you kept screaming when I conjured you, “the color, the color, agggggg” It was quite the problem.

Nastydramus: shudder

Monster and Master: It is too cold!

Nastydramus: [8:13 AM]:

OMG it is SO COLD.

Master Arcturus: [8:14 AM]:

yesss

Nastydramus: [8:14 AM]:

I had to break out the Winter Coat(tm)

Master Arcturus: [8:14 AM]:

You should have taken the upgrade,, just cause you dinna like the color of the fur..

Nastydramus: [8:15 AM]:

Puce is ugly, no matter what my physical shape is.

Master Arcturus: [8:16 AM]:

then you gotta wear tha coat, and the shivers. I must say I think a shivering 8 foot tall, blue green Nastydramus, is an intriguing sight..

Nastydramus: [8:17 AM]:

You'd be sad if it were an 8 foot tall blue green Nastydramus: with puce fur.

Master Arcturus: [8:18 AM]:

I suppose, but the chem would only come out that color.. i took the tinkerer gnome off the hard stuff until he fixes the color, but we have to wait until he dries out to continue

Nastydramus: [8:19 AM]:

Send him to Igor, that'll dry him out for good.

Master Arcturus: [8:20 AM]:

Igor is the one that has been his supplier; he was addicted to Igor’s Green Still Swill

Nastydramus: [8:21 AM]:

*cracks knuckles* Let me at him.

Master Arcturus: [8:23 AM]:

We will just wait, Igor's multi-hued swills are turning a nice profit.. I do not want you to cut into the profits by making Igor nervous..

Nastydramus: [8:23 AM]:

I wasn't planning on making him nervous.

Master Arcturus: [8:24 AM]:

You don want to hurt him either,, remember he is your backup, transport and sidekick on the level 3 missions

Nastydramus: [8:24 AM]:

*sigh* Well, then, I have to wear the coat, and you should quit complaining about it.

Monster and Master: On the creation of Nastydramus

On the creation of Nastydramus:

Master Arcturus: I took the brain from an escapee from "Belless le Belfrey" insane asylum and a mangled demon that had lost a fight (and his head) with a sword carrying angel and the head of a morphed orangutan servant, mixing and matching while under the influence of some black mushroom ale came up with the perfect servant/confident/errand thing.

Nastydramus: Where did the slight bits of near intellectual intelligence come from?

Master Arcturus: I don’t remember all the bits I took from various leftovers, but suspect I managed to mix in some evil genus corpses to the mix.

Nastydramus: Sweet

Master Arcturus: Nasty had Marquis de Sade‛s head, and some of Sherlock Holmes brain, and part of the skulls from Dr. Frank Tesla and Professor Swine

Nastydramus: TV's frank?

Master Arcturus: Then there was the crystal that was supposed to hold the mind of Ivan da Nasty, no, Dr Frank Tesla, cousin to the guy that came up with the lightening machine. I put all the parts in a blender, added quite a bit of dark grey magic, (being too drunk to do black magic) and came up with Nastydramus’ brain.

Nastydramus: Poof. The worst of all worlds.

Master Arcturus: I originally intended to use the orangutan’s skull but got confused, easy enough when drunk, and used the brain as well and a titanium skull left over from a failed robot.

Monster and Master BBQ

Nastydramus:
Needs today?
Master Arcturus [9:32 AM]:
lemme think
Master Arcturus [9:33 AM]:
I was considering having a small gathering here this weekend, just a few close friends,, thought I might send you after some griffins and hobgoblins to bbq..
Nastydramus[9:34 AM]:
Might I suggest harpies as well? I hear Buffalo Harpy Wings are excellent
Master Arcturus [9:35 AM]:
That is a good idea. I figure about 300 each, the Yeti are coming and you know how they eat..
Nastydramus[9:36 AM]:
I'm not cleaning up this time.
Master Arcturus [9:36 AM]:
No, after the whining last time, I hired cleaners
Nastydramus[9:36 AM]:
I told you that was Igor .
Master Arcturus [9:37 AM]:
yah, you told me
Master Arcturus [9:38 AM]:
I got the Amazon Parana Squad
Nastydramus[9:38 AM]:
Oh, they're good; they can skeletonize a room in less than two minutes you know.
Master Arcturus [9:38 AM]:
yah
Master Arcturus [9:39 AM]:
I figured it was worth the "bennies" to get them, just so you and Igor would not have to move for a couple days after a really big feast
Nastydramus[9:39 AM]:
I'll remind Igor to grovel appropriately.
Master Arcturus [9:41 AM]:
Just locate those "double-hearts" I keep hearing about and I will have a feast with just you present to enjoy the goodies, and I will provide some of the new habanera bbq sauce.
Nastydramus[9:41 AM]:
Stop it, you're making me drool!
Master Arcturus [9:41 AM]:
put asbestos bib on then...you keep pitting the stone floor
Nastydramus[9:42 AM]:
Bib's not going to stop that... the asbestos isn't absorbent. And my skin's impervious.
Master Arcturus [9:43 AM]:
We got to figure out how to stop replacing the floor, onyx is expensive
Nastydramus[9:43 AM]:
*sigh* I'm going to regret this... you DID put in the healing factor, right?
Master Arcturus [9:43 AM]:
yeppers
Nastydramus[9:44 AM]:
*groan* You can make a coating... out of my flesh... ><
Master Arcturus [9:44 AM]:
Naw, I thought of that, wont work, even with rapid regrowth and good earplugs. You and Igor together would take too long to cover the floor
Master Arcturus [9:46 AM]:
I think the best bet is to give you and Igor access to the abyss lab again
Master Arcturus [9:46 AM]:
you two together do pretty good work and I will find you some pretties to play with and some love potions
Nastydramus[9:48 AM]:
You know, with the superhero's body, I don't need the potions so much.
Master Arcturus [9:49 AM]:
There is still Igor
Nastydramus[9:49 AM]:
True
Nastydramus[9:49 AM]:
Will there be any other needs?
Master Arcturus [9:49 AM]:
no
Master Arcturus [9:50 AM]:
I haff bbq
Master Arcturus [9:50 AM]:
drinkies
Nastydramus[9:50 AM]:
OK
Master Arcturus [9:50 AM]:
and way too much to do

Monster and Master the beginning

Nastydramus: and Master Arcturus: - Da Ducks and others

Master Arcturus: Arcturus: : lord love a green duck...

Nastydramus: :

Just a green duck? What about the brown ducks, or the white ducks? Or the mottled ones?

Master Arcturus: nope.. just the green ones

Master Arcturus: not yet ripe ducks

Nastydramus: Are you Duckist?

Master Arcturus: Duckatologiest

Master Arcturus: I have a Phd in Duckology

Nastydramus:I meant duckist. Like racist, only with ducks.

Master Arcturus: no no no, not a duckist, a green duck connoisseur

Nastydramus: I see.

Nastydramus: So why must the Lord love a green duck?

Master Arcturus: iffin he don't, then it won't ripen to be a golden duck..

Nastydramus: Ah. I thought it was a euphemism for something of a complaint.

Master Arcturus: Noooo

Master Arcturus: The proper green duck turns into a golden duck after 80,000 miles

Nastydramus: Walking or flying?

Master Arcturus: waddling..

Nastydramus: Mmm/.... Tough evolution

Master Arcturus: most green ducks wind up eaten..

Master Arcturus: this is a progressive, forward moving green duck

Nastydramus: Looks like it's close to gold.

Master Arcturus: headed that way..

Master Arcturus: May become a real "Pecunia Avis" someday..

Nastydramus: Watch your language!

Master Arcturus: grin,,,

***

Nastydramus: THEEEEEE HILLS ARE ALLIIIIIIVE, With the sounds of moooorteeeeers... Incidiary rooounnds, anti-armor rounds toooooooo

Master Arcturus: are you scrounging for silver nitrate again? I keep telling you that is bad for your teeth..

Nastydramus: Actually, I need sulfur, charcoal, and potassium nitrate in great quantities.

Master Arcturus: Are you trying to barf fire again?

Nastydramus: Nooo, that would require napalm. I want to be able to fire watermelon seeds out of my mouth at a very high velocity.

Master Arcturus: And the compressed nitrogen isn't good enough?

Nastydramus: It doesn't give that muzzle flash that looks so neat.

Master Arcturus: So we are posing for the cameras again are we?

Nastydramus: If I'm going to be filmed, I might as well be filmed in a way that is both compelling and frightening to the masses.

Master Arcturus: Hmmm,, so what do I get for obtaining these exotic meals for you? a supporting role? percentage of the profit?

Nastydramus: Producer's credit and 10% of the box office.

Nastydramus: 15% of the international, too.

Master Arcturus: Ok, deal

Master Arcturus: What tonnage of each do you need

Nastydramus: I'll have my people call your people.My people is an imp that likes to dance in open flames, is that a problem?

Master Arcturus: Igor wants to know if you have any aversion to nitrates from bat guano and Igor likes flame imps, with breakfast.

Nastydramus: Do not let Igor eat my people.

Master Arcturus: I will tellem..

Nastydramus: And, no, as long as it's potassium nitrate, I don't care where it comes from. If he tries to get me ammonium nitrate, he will be beheaded and hung as an example for the others. Or, you know, yelled at until he gets me the right thing.

Nastydramus: It MUST be KNO3, not NH4NO3.

Master Arcturus: I will tell him that you want the white not the faintly pink

Nastydramus: I'm going to set it on fire, so I don't think the color matters explicitly.

Master Arcturus: The type dictates the color

Nastydramus: I see.

Master Arcturus: If it is faintly pink it is ammonium nitrate

Nastydramus: Then I want the white.

Master Arcturus: White it is.